The afterlife.

Sunlight shines upon crestfallen figures,
Eventually all light will fade.
Though the light could warms my limbs,
I like to linger in the shade.

You tell us to love one another,
Wicked as though we may be.
I doubt your sorrow will redeem us,
I doubt it will make my demons flee.

Your love is said to have no limits,
forgiving every sorry soul.
But I don't want to need forgiveness,
What I fullfill is my own goal.

Eventually you'll fade in darkness,
when silence falls at your big gate.
When noone asks for your salvation,
when people decide their own fate.

Birthday, anniversary, valentine!

update once again AND an announcement;

I will post the various parts of a project my and chris are working on here, wich will also, hopefully, appear in the journal for my study club. It´s a film noir short story, written by me and chris.

Now some updates as to what I have been up to lately. I celebrated my birthday last monday. The saturday before, 3 february, my girlfriend came to my house, and we had dinner to celebrate my birthday, and our 6 month anniversary. I had it all figured out. I´d take her out to dinner, confuse her with all sorts of strange telephone calls about enormous presents being delivered to certain places, and after dinner I would take her to the burgt ( old castle ruins in leiden, beautifull place to see leiden from), and I´d give her a ring I bought her. But alas, eventhough the website said the burgt would be open till 11, it was allready closed at 10. Ok, ok, nobody panic, nobody gets hurt! IVE GOT A RING AND IM NOT AFFRAID TO USE IT! No! Keep it together! Think of another place, just as romantic, to give it! QUICK! Oh what the hell, I´ll just do it now. Or should I? I'll ask her. NO DON'T! YES DO SO! oh allright. So I just gave it to her, begging to everything that might be peeking that she would like it. And she just so totally did! After letting my bloodpressure and heartrate drop a few 100 points, we went to my place, and spend the whole next day doing nothing =). Then my birthday on monday. My dad, girlfriend and I went to a italian place, where we discovered my food was free, cause it was my birthday! Ofcourse I had allready gotten the best of presents from my girlfriends( I mean friend! GIRLFRIEND! Honestly!) and my other friends . Loved the book about rainbows that I got from chris ^^. I was supposed to celebrate my birthday with my family next sunday, and I looked forward to it. MAN this post is getting a drag. Note to self, update more frequently! Anyway, I was looking forward to today, and I was fun. My nieces really did a great job picking boyfriends. All of them really nice guys. To bad my mom forgot to mention, to everyone including herself, that it was my birthday they came to celebrate, not only my grandma's. Oh I'm sorry, what was that? You heard me! They forgot my friggin birthday! Oh well, cant really blame her. Given all the pressure of feeding 22 people. But I'm still gonna. Naw just kidding, love you mom =*. She probably wont read this, but just in case she does I think shes a wonderfull woman. Well, I think we accomplished quite a lot today, let's end this session now shan't we? ADIOS

Bed is for sleeping

beatifull lyrics by bonnie prince billy.

Bed is for sleeping
Love is for making
And you know, love, I am yours for the taking

My eyes are for seeing
The wind is for blowing
And you see, love, I am yours for the knowing

And night is for dreaming
Sleep is for bedding
I will dream with you the night of our wedding

You have a splinter
And I have a thimble
I will pull it in with movements so nimble

And tears are for falling
Smiles are for breaking
Houses for burning and kisses for faking

And where are you going ?
And why are you leaving ?
Left on a walkway to swallow my grieving

Spierdalaj kurwa!

First post of 2007! So much to tell, and yet so little. Same things like last year. Christmas dinner with my family, my parents on the first day, and with my aunts, uncles and other relatives on the second. My girlfriend went along for the second day, and it was fun. Also spend new year's eve with her. And ehmm that's it about the holidays. It's studyin season again ;(.

Last friday I was travelling by train with a friend, and we were discussing polish curses. After talking about the word "kurwa" for a while- for the pollishly illiterate people: It means anything from asshole to fuck- The women on the other bench turned to me and started blattering in polish, and later in broken english:

"Pls, I polish. I hef a childerans. Pls no say word."
"ehm.."
"no say word kurwa, for mine childrens."

I was so astonished meeting an actual polish person I forgot to ask for an autograph :(

Teenage angst

Hurray for christmas! I had my first house dinner tonight, it was fun! Today was a rather shitty day though. Had worked on my paper for ages, when it was finally done I make a stupid mistake, and now it's all gone! I can't get it back now. I sure do hope they give me another chance to hand it in tomorrow. In other news, my life is great! I realise that now. I got great friends ( Job, jaap laurens, tim steven, chris, koos, sarah, en iedereen die ik verder vergeet kusje!), I got a great job, with nice people, I got my own little place, with great house mates, Im studying something I reall enjoy doing, and last but especially not least, more or less firstly, my beloved girlfriend! Nicole you're great, one of the most beautifull things in my life=). When I look back at highschool, I realise how good I had it back then. No worries, no big issues, just chillin. But you only realise that when it's gone.. So I'm gonna enjoy to the fullest extend, every day with great people.

I love you all!

Ok now all this happyness is just getting scary. QUICK DEPRESSING LYRICS!
Vnv nation - Darkangel.

In your dream you see me clear
I have no restraint, no fear
Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed.
My purpose set. My will defined.
Caress the air.
Embrace the skies.
Escape the sorrow and restraint of mortal cities.

Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
So many years I stood among the thoughts
and tears of those I served.
Among my own I was alone through my own doing.
All the years I walked unknown
behind the faces I assumed.
Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered.

They fall again.
They fall again.

Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What possesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
There is no faith in which to hide.
Even truth is filled with lies.
Doubting angels fall to walk among the living.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.

I'd only come here seeking peace.
I'd only come here seeking me.

It seems I came to leave.

beautifull song. there that should even things out.

Reluctantly moving on

Aging dreams of raging streams,

Makebelieve is what it seems,

Though once it was reality.

You’re endowed with rays of golden light

You’re like a siren singing her song,

I like to wallow in your delight.

I can’t resist your call for long.

But like the story goes,

Maybe you’ll lure my ship ashore,

My foundations breaking on rock and soil.

On the hard rock that seemed so soft..

Plactise plactise!

what a busy week. had to hand in a paper, and I have to write another one for next tuesday. Also I have 2 examinations next week. therefore I couldnt post here unfortunately. I have a job now! Yesterday was my first time at work. It was much fun! Nice colleagues, and nice people. Well, that' s all I guess, I'll enjoy you with one of my older poems.

"Hurt"

I feel this tingling,

Tickling feeling,

I think it's healing,

Could this be,

The true love I looked for?

Couldn't I see,

Couldn't I get to the core?

I feel warm and fussy,

When she is close by..

And yet my mind is messy..

Cause im so confused as to why

I can't seem to hold her,

In any possible way..

Shes avoiding me,

Leading me astray..

I once felt this tingling,

Ticking feeling,

I think its dying..

Oh the mirth!

I present to thee, my new big love:

My bass guitar!

only mine is completely black =)

I'm so happy, cause today I found my friend(8)

Deception

As said in last post, I will discuss the thing I encountered at the concert. Before the concert I was, ofcourse, completely anxious to see placebo. When I was finally there, something seemed to block me from really realising I was there watching my most favourite band live. That brian molko really stood there, 4 meters away from me, performing. I couldn't grab it. Something blocked it. Maybe it was the fact that your eyes and ears, maybe even your brain, stand between you and the actual happening. Maybe it doesnt happen at all, and you're just imagining it all. Whatever the reason, I stood there, incapable of fully comprehending I was seeing placebo at that very moment. Its like my imagination of the concert, both before and after the concert, are more realistic then the concert itself. Why is that?

The joy!

The joy! Yesterday I went with my beloved girlfriend to placebo, and it was SO FUCKING GOOD! It was indescribable, the music, the visuals, the company! It was awesome in every way. By far the best concert ever. It was just.. well, suffice to say Im still bouncing from excitement.

Today ( saturday), We celebrated Sinterklaas with our family. It was hilarious as allways. Such a nice tradition, so simple and yet so much fun. The concert made a thing loose in my mind tho, but I will discuss this next post, because its kinda late, and I'm kinda tired. Good night =*