Tobagolishious!

Here we are, tobago! Land of.. of.. well, of car wrecks really. They are everywhere. Also land of People with a love for expensive jewelry whilst not being able to buy food, or provide for their family . Truly an amazing country.

Up next: Ernst goes diving! Oh yes, diving. Trying at least. Utterly failing more likely. But still!

In other news, my girlfriend is not here with me, and that sucks like hell. It really does. Only small comfort is this stuffed frog ze gave me, which smells faintly of her. Suffice to say if it had been coke on the frog, I'd be dead 5 days ago.

My beloved do you know,
how many times I stared at clouds,
thinking that I saw you there..

Reunited!

Back together again! It took us a while, but it finally got through that we couldn't live without one-another. I love you so very much my sweet sweet Nicole!

So, Sinterklaas. It was so freaking awesome! Like awesome but then 10 times more freakingly, and stuff! I got tipped that the Sint would make his rounds at Nicole's house, so I was there when the magic happened. Its safe to say I got a piece of the action. The most awesome beard of beards gave me A.O: The new book by Arthur Japin(gotta love him, he's such a good novelist, the best dutch writer in my opinion, maybe the best in the world), lots of different flavored noodles (I simply love them), some 4 records for my very old record player (so awesome! Doris Day, Charles Aznavour, they all rock!), Very nice shaving cream, a spatula that has a side which is useful to empty bowls of dough and whipped cream - very handy! and of course chocolate letters and some small gifts. And the surprises were great as well. everyone had outdone themselves. It's funny how people do things differently in different family's. Whereas my family is always careful to reward he hard hours of physical labor by not destroying the surprise right away, heads had to roll at Nicole's. I gotta say, of course the surprises will be thrown away afterwards, so it's kinda hypocrite to handle them with care at the evening itself, but still it had something disrespectful to be treating your hard worked surprise like that. But that's just me. Of course some were meant to be destroyed. I could luckily save a piece of the tile saying that the sweet Sint made for me. It says "wanneer de haan niet kraait voor het avondrood, gaat het morgen regenen, of de haan is dood". xD I had a blast. Now, my vacation is coming up. I have to work through 1 more week of stress, and then I can rest for 2 weeks. But it also means I won't be seeing my principressa for at least 2 weeks. :(

Elluk voordeel hep ze nadeel I guess

I hate you hans blix!

Yesterday, me and some of my friends were at the casino, and it was fun. Very much fun in fact. It wasn't so much the gambling that made my night, but the people and their behavior. You see, the casino was quite crowded, and I was rather lucky to find an vacant roulette machine. When I sat down, and my friends started playing at the nearby machines, I started to look around at my fellow gamblers. What I saw was a collection of the most eccentric people I had ever seen. (Except for maybe some of the cybergothics on a regular cyberia party, but thats a whole other story.) For starters, you had the asian mob gang, a group of asian, criminal looking men that gambled huge amounts of money without flinching. Then you had steven seagall, not the real one ofcourse, but his long lost twin brother, coming to deliver justice to all those evil croupiers that secretly forge your chips. And next to me another strange asian man, wearing sun glasses in a dark room, like he was playing poker. Only, he wasnt playing poker, just losing a lot of money in a roulette machine. All these men had the same kind of gold-digging wives- bored looking women, dumb as forever, with an attitude that screams "WILL MARRY FOR MONEY". And further more the bums, weirdo's, hillbillys, germans, etc etc. One thing they all had in common tho - when I rose from my chair to check my friends' progress, they all came, like vultures to a corps, to check the availability of my machine. Upon seeing I had not yet perished, and succumbed to the awe inspiring might of the roulette machine, but was very alive and kicking, they gave a condescending look at my but kicking amount of chips (20), and my daring bets(usually 3 to 4 chips), and slowly retreated afterwards into the masses of other vultures prying for my throne.

Oh yes I had fun. Totally worth the 15 euro I lost in mindless gambling ;)

My movie

Your pretty :)

Seven little spiders,
creeping softly up my veign.
To my heart is where they're headed,
they hurt me not, I feel no pain.

In it they will weave their threads,
Build a house of soft silk whole.
Only one sweet girl can live there,
The girl that bears the name nicole :)

You can dust it off and try again.

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

scorpions - still loving you

Send me into orbit

I will try to get up

To leave these walls behind me

To feel

The way I used to feel

To reveal

Who I am..

Code 64 - Orbit


So yeah, things are doing ok. I don't miss her as much anymore, though occasionally I still get smacked to the ground. As for school, things couldn't be better really. The people are mostly very nice, I'm really doing what I love to do, and it feels right. I hope I get accepted, but thats not yet an issue. Financially things are still tight, but I hope to resolve that soon enough. Not really much to add I think. Oh, right I forgot: for all you who have been enjoying my poetry, even if it is only one person: http://gemstor.deviantart.com/ My deviant page where I store my poetry. I will continue to post them here aswell, but on that page you have a better overview then here.

Haiku

Tears are setting sail


Dropping on the nearby floor..


my soul is at ease.

Synthesize me..

Synthesize me

And reboot

I need to start again

I need to make it different

All unguarded

All without

The will to play along

A song to say goodbye..

Leaving you, it was the hardest,
Thing I’ve ever had to do.
Never again your smile your touch,
In the way it used to be.
Never again your kiss, your smell,
You are once again free..

Thinking back on the days gone by,
The times when things were fine,
I can’t escape that crushing thought,
“You are no longer mine..”

Solitary

That's right, it's 2 am. No i'm not having trouble sleeping, I' m working. Yes working. Why do you ask? Because of the fine salary you get for working at shifts no sane person wants? A big bunch o' buckeroos for giving up on your social life? Because of the good company? The great working conditions? Its not even because I get to sit on my ass all night long, cause I cant! I have to work my ass off for a starvation wage, in night shifts. Oh well, not long till Ima find myself a proper job :) I've been saying that for some time now..

And if rain brings winds of change,
let it rain on us forever,
I have no doubts from what I've seen,
I have never wanted more.

With this line I'll mark the past,
as a symbol of beginning,
I have no doubt from what Ive seen,
I have never wanted more.

Vnv nation - solitary

I'm gonna give it another try, this blogging. I got a little weary of it due to the fact that I felt that nobody was reading it anyway. But my girl asked me several times to update it again, so I guess at least one person is interested. What happened! Well, the vacation wich I announced in my last post happened. It was so awesome! We just spend our days at the beach, reading a book, just being with eachother and her family ofcourse. It was awesome. Then, 5 minutes after I came home, disaster struck, and I got word of a close friend who was in a mental hospital after having a psychosis. It was at the same time I had to lead a camp, and it was rather stressfull, cause i was on the phone with the clinic have of the time, and the other half doing groceries and games with and for the freshmen. But the camp was really cool. Sing star owns x)

Now I gotta work. But I'm sure the course I enrolled for will be fun. I just hope some nice people will be there.. Oh well.

the words I have the spells I know
were not enough to make you happy
to make you smile again

Updating!

Let's update shall we? Im not gonna rant about everything happened in between my last post and this one. I'll tell you some fun stuff. For example: Im gonna go on vacation with my girlfiend :D Their parents invited me ^^. Im so excited :D Spending a week in the sun in italy :) Now to find a job.. Here's a little lyric I liked very much:

Diorama - Hla

hey say your ailing doves get caught
they say her peace will make you weak
they now obtain your words by fraud
and modulate them as they speak

beyond her walls I shatter mine
towards her charming lies I crawl
her heart got sore as she found mine
into her liquid arms I fall

her noiseless treads delight my ears
I bury dreams along her shore
in radiant black her gliding tears
under her surface so much more

beyond her walls I shatter mine
towards her charming lies I crawl
her heart got sore as she found mine
into her liquid arms I fall

The afterlife.

Sunlight shines upon crestfallen figures,
Eventually all light will fade.
Though the light could warms my limbs,
I like to linger in the shade.

You tell us to love one another,
Wicked as though we may be.
I doubt your sorrow will redeem us,
I doubt it will make my demons flee.

Your love is said to have no limits,
forgiving every sorry soul.
But I don't want to need forgiveness,
What I fullfill is my own goal.

Eventually you'll fade in darkness,
when silence falls at your big gate.
When noone asks for your salvation,
when people decide their own fate.

Birthday, anniversary, valentine!

update once again AND an announcement;

I will post the various parts of a project my and chris are working on here, wich will also, hopefully, appear in the journal for my study club. It´s a film noir short story, written by me and chris.

Now some updates as to what I have been up to lately. I celebrated my birthday last monday. The saturday before, 3 february, my girlfriend came to my house, and we had dinner to celebrate my birthday, and our 6 month anniversary. I had it all figured out. I´d take her out to dinner, confuse her with all sorts of strange telephone calls about enormous presents being delivered to certain places, and after dinner I would take her to the burgt ( old castle ruins in leiden, beautifull place to see leiden from), and I´d give her a ring I bought her. But alas, eventhough the website said the burgt would be open till 11, it was allready closed at 10. Ok, ok, nobody panic, nobody gets hurt! IVE GOT A RING AND IM NOT AFFRAID TO USE IT! No! Keep it together! Think of another place, just as romantic, to give it! QUICK! Oh what the hell, I´ll just do it now. Or should I? I'll ask her. NO DON'T! YES DO SO! oh allright. So I just gave it to her, begging to everything that might be peeking that she would like it. And she just so totally did! After letting my bloodpressure and heartrate drop a few 100 points, we went to my place, and spend the whole next day doing nothing =). Then my birthday on monday. My dad, girlfriend and I went to a italian place, where we discovered my food was free, cause it was my birthday! Ofcourse I had allready gotten the best of presents from my girlfriends( I mean friend! GIRLFRIEND! Honestly!) and my other friends . Loved the book about rainbows that I got from chris ^^. I was supposed to celebrate my birthday with my family next sunday, and I looked forward to it. MAN this post is getting a drag. Note to self, update more frequently! Anyway, I was looking forward to today, and I was fun. My nieces really did a great job picking boyfriends. All of them really nice guys. To bad my mom forgot to mention, to everyone including herself, that it was my birthday they came to celebrate, not only my grandma's. Oh I'm sorry, what was that? You heard me! They forgot my friggin birthday! Oh well, cant really blame her. Given all the pressure of feeding 22 people. But I'm still gonna. Naw just kidding, love you mom =*. She probably wont read this, but just in case she does I think shes a wonderfull woman. Well, I think we accomplished quite a lot today, let's end this session now shan't we? ADIOS

Bed is for sleeping

beatifull lyrics by bonnie prince billy.

Bed is for sleeping
Love is for making
And you know, love, I am yours for the taking

My eyes are for seeing
The wind is for blowing
And you see, love, I am yours for the knowing

And night is for dreaming
Sleep is for bedding
I will dream with you the night of our wedding

You have a splinter
And I have a thimble
I will pull it in with movements so nimble

And tears are for falling
Smiles are for breaking
Houses for burning and kisses for faking

And where are you going ?
And why are you leaving ?
Left on a walkway to swallow my grieving

Spierdalaj kurwa!

First post of 2007! So much to tell, and yet so little. Same things like last year. Christmas dinner with my family, my parents on the first day, and with my aunts, uncles and other relatives on the second. My girlfriend went along for the second day, and it was fun. Also spend new year's eve with her. And ehmm that's it about the holidays. It's studyin season again ;(.

Last friday I was travelling by train with a friend, and we were discussing polish curses. After talking about the word "kurwa" for a while- for the pollishly illiterate people: It means anything from asshole to fuck- The women on the other bench turned to me and started blattering in polish, and later in broken english:

"Pls, I polish. I hef a childerans. Pls no say word."
"ehm.."
"no say word kurwa, for mine childrens."

I was so astonished meeting an actual polish person I forgot to ask for an autograph :(